I read a blog post by Gary McArthur today - "Meeting the Ghost of My Former Self." As I was commenting on his blog, I realized that the comment was going to be the source of this post.
Mr. McArthur finishes his post with, "I've set myself a goal for 2016: To find the spirit and the grit and the determination and the hope I had as a sixteen year old boy, and laugh once more in the face of my illnesses. To challenge myself in the way I did when I joined a career path I knew I wasn't suited to, simply to face my fear of all things physical."
"Wow! I think we were in the same place in June 2015. I came close to suicide, because my problems had overwhelmed me. I had NEVER considered suicide before. NEVER!
I started thinking about the way I used to be. I had taken back my maiden name and wanted to become Amelia Vincent again. The way I used to be before all the health problems.
Now, I know I cannot become 100% healthy again, but I can get better than I am now. Unfortunately, I gained weight as a side effect of medication, so I have started seeing a nutritionist. I can no longer walk any distance farther than from parking spot to motorized shopping cart, and I know a lot of it has to do with my weight; my spine is degenerating, so the girth is not helpful at all. My goal for 2016 is to walk a mile by the end of the year. And to lose weight.
I am also "growing myself up" by nurturing myself, being my own health and life advocate like a parent would. I am allowing myself playtime, like coloring or making paper crafts."
My life has progressed like this: school, marriage, motherhood, divorce, (repeat), college, brief period of work, disability.
I did not take the opportunity to sow my wild oats, so to speak, when I was young. While pregnant with my first child, I went out dancing with my cousin almost every night, but that is about it. (I was back out on the dance floor a week after he was born.) And, although I was separated, I was still a married woman, so I was not available.
Now, I am going to focus on me. Self-centered? Absolutely! However, I have always been last on my list of things to take care of. This is my time to find out who I am, who I might have been. I cannot work in a job, but I can work on myself.
|Taken a few weeks ago - Age 56|
I have chosen green to be my color this year - I have never done this before. Green represents rebirth, growth, prosperity/wealth (safety and good health), balance, and self-respect.
The words I have chosen are:
I am hoping/wishing/praying that 2016 is one of the best years of my life. I want the same for you, too!