I am not going to lie; 2015 was the second worst year of my life. Being told I was disabled in 2013 was just the start of a downward spiral as I was diagnosed with one thing after another. It was hard to accept that the education I had waited so long to get would not be used - I went to college and university from 2007-2012, going from freshman to MBA from ages 47-52.
It has been hard hearing people say, "Why don't you get a job?" and "You can work if you want to." Trust me, I would rather be working. However, I never know when I will be asleep/awake. Yesterday, Christmas Day, I slept from 4 a.m. - 8:15 a.m. and from noon until 10 p.m. It is a good thing I did not have any place I needed to be, but I canceled plans to go to a luncheon. That is the thing: I cannot plan anything.
I struggle Seasonal Affective Disorder - SAD, for short. It is a depression caused by lack of daylight. My doctor has me on Vitamin D3 and it has been a tremendous help. Here it is December, with the shortest days of the year, and I am not depressed! I have been awake since last night, but it is a gorgeous day outside - it is sunny and 32(F) (0-C) degrees, so I will definitely go out today.
In 2015, I spent months trying to get help, bringing packets of paper to various agencies and being sent to doctors to see if I was faking it. I think all the information provided by my health care providers helped - like the MRI's that show my spine falling apart at the neck and the lumbar region.
That is easier to prove than fibromyalgia, because fibro is a diagnosis of exclusion. A bunch of tests are run to find the cause of the musculoskeletal pain; when none can be found, the diagnosis is fibromyalgia. The fibro currently causes more pain than the spinal issues.
I know 2016 will be better, because the fight is over. I have the help I need, and all I need to do is provide more paperwork periodically, but not the sheaths I had to this year - my medical records from just one of my many doctors were two inches thick! Finally, the log jam broke in the middle of 2015, but it was hard.
This blog is one of the things that kept me going. Writing is something I have loved to do for a long time; so, during a serious bout with depression (major depressive disorder), I was writing about types of journals and creating free printables for my readers.
It kept me going - a sense of responsibility that kept me from committing suicide. I have always been the responsible one, the perfectionist, the high achiever, the optimist, running many shows. All of a sudden, I had no shows to run, no work to do, no family to raise, no.... Well, you get the picture. For the first, and I hope last, time in my life, I was giving up.
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But, I had started a blog to share information with whomever happened along. My little blog, My ADHD life, has been viewed more than 66,000 times, mostly thanks to "Sophie's Universe" and Dedri Uys. Mrs. Uys is the talented designer of Sophie's Garden (the center piece) and Sophie's Universe. I participated in a crochet-along (CAL), which led me to post many of the CAL participants Sophie's. At the end of all the posts, Mrs. Uys included links to my blog from her very popular blog.
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